


The Courage to Kneel

by cherryflesh



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extremely Dubious Consent, M/M, Marking, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Pon Farr, Possessive Behavior, Vulcan, pon farr is the reason we have safewords
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-17 07:17:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5859436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryflesh/pseuds/cherryflesh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place roughly around the Deep Space Nine episode "Take Me Out to the Holosuite" and centers around the Vulcan Captain Solok (I noticed I had to create a tag for him - check him out in the episode, he is seriously such an asshole!), and Nathan (OMC), a doctor he had an... encounter with at the Starfleet Academy. </p>
<p>Basically, Solok sees humans as inferior to Vulcans. I just put a kinky twist on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The ember beneath the ashes

_Starfleet Academy. Ten years ago, more or less…_

”Are you ready?” Solok asked. He punched in the code to lock the door behind him as the young man in the corner of the supply closet turned and stared at him with wide eyes.

”Ready? Uh… f-for what?” the young man asked, fumbling with the hyposprays in his hands. Solok assumed he had been sent to collect those as part of his internship at the medical center outside the Academy. He regarded the young man levelly. Nathan was his name. Human, and therefore weak. Weaker than most, perhaps, given that he barely reached Solok’s shoulder and seemed generally uninterested in athletic pursuits. Unruly dark blonde hair, slightly curly. Big glasses. Hazel eyes that seemed to be in a constant state of absentmindedness. Except now, when they were focused on Solok with a mixture of apprehension and something else… something Solok could not identify. Just a hint of fear, perhaps.

Solok found it very agreeable.

”I believe I won the bet”, he told the other. ”It is… how do you say it… time to pay up.”

Nathan’s face slowly drained of color and he shook his head mutely, backing as Solok advanced.

”N-no… oh, come on… you can’t be serious… s-she was joking..!” he said quickly, giving Solok a pleading look that went straight to his hardening cock. Nathan was one of the few humans at the Academy that he found exceedingly aggravating. His medical papers were corrupted with sub-par sociological speculations that nonetheless seemed to be favored by some of the professors. Now and again Solok would corner him, aggressively strip his latest paper down to nothing, cutting through it with flawless logic. Nathan would always argue his point in the beginning, but Solok never left before the smaller man had dropped his gaze and turned half away, clutching whatever he was currently lugging around close to his chest.

The latest incident was simply the one time Nathan had refused to back down and they were actually gathering an audience. When Nathan had huffed a rebellious ’yeah, wanna bet?’ Solok had purred a smug ’gladly’, knowing he was right and Nathan was wrong. When Solok had inquired about the stakes, Nathan’s best friend, a security student with multicolored hair and an overly aggressive attitude, sidled between them and grabbed Nathan by his collar.

”He’ll suck your dick, Vulcan. How about that?” she half-sneered, half-grinned and dragged a sputtering Nathan off. ”Fuck’s sake, I’ve been waiting in the restaurant for _ever…_ ”, Solok heard her continue in the distance. He retreated to his dorms, his mind preoccupied with her suggestion.

He had never participated in such an act. But he remembered the fevered fantasies of his youth, when he visited the Museum of History on Vulcan and spent entirely too much time in the section displaying artifacts from pre-reform Vulcan. Those included urns with very suggestive art… as well as slave collars, branding irons and other things that set fire to his imagination. Unable to marry his fantasies with the reality of equality, he suppressed them as effectively as his emotions. That is, until he learned of humans. Emotional, inferior, seemingly bred to kneel…

Unbidden, all this surfaced in his mind as he fixed Nathan with a steady gaze. Nathan’s eye met his briefly, only to dart to the side while he nervously fidgeted with the hyposprays. He put them on the shelf next to him, hands visibly shaking.

Solok inhaled and caught a weak scent of arousal, which spurred him on. The slight hint of fear only invited him further. He reached out and placed his hand lightly on the back of Nathan’s neck, feeling the rush of heat to the smooth skin, the light tremble. Nathan bowed his head immediately, eyes on the ground.

Something dark inside him answered and he tightened his grip. Not too hard, only a fraction of his strength… and Nathan sank to his knees before him. The single most captivating sight Solok had ever laid eyes on. His hand traveled to the top of Nathan’s head, gently sifting through the blonde locks as the young man fumbled with his pants.

Solok stared down as Nathan freed his cock, fascinated by the young man’s seemingly willingness to perform this act. He had expected him to grovel, admit that his facts were erroneous, perhaps even beg… but no, Nathan’s unsteady hands was resting on Solok’s black-clad thighs, tracing the hard length almost shyly with his fingertips. As if he was gathering courage.

And then… the sweet sensation of hot wetness as he took the cock into his mouth. He was clumsy, yes, struggling with the length and girth, unable to fit it very far into his mouth without gagging. But fighting to, licking and sucking with more enthusiasm than skill.

_Endearing... sweet, sweet creature…_ he thought in a haze of pleasure. His hands moved instinctively to cradle Nathan’s face, cupping it on either side. Nathan made a startled sound, his fingers digging into Solok’s thighs. He ignored it, holding unto his face firmly until Nathan had stopped struggling. He moved his hips, holding Nathan’s head still as he moved in and out of his mouth in long, slow thrusts. Small, desperate sounds, rising rhythmically made him glance down and noticed that Nathan’s hands were now between his thighs, rubbing the crotch of his pants frantically.

And then he was there, right on the edge, and snarled down at the human, _his_ human, as he spilled his seed deep in his mouth until the hazel eyes watered and he coughed and coughed.

Almost immediately he stepped back and tucked his softening cock back in his pants. Perfectly aloof and in control once more, he gave Nathan an unimpressed look before he left the storage room, saying nothing to the human still sitting on the floor with red-rimmed eyes and swollen lips, staring silently down at his hands.

 

* * *

 

  _Deep Space Nine. Present day…_

Nathan straightened up when he saw the man who had to be Dr. Bashir, CMO at the space station where he had currently arrived carrying a bag of medical supplies. The boxes with vaccines was being transported to the sickbay.

The two men met halfway in the corridor, both with broad, friendly smiles as they shook hands and exchanged pleasantries.

”I must admit I’m excited to be here”, he told Dr. Bashir, who seemed amused at this. ”I have never been to Deep Space Nine, so it is, um, a bit of an adventure.”

”I’ll show you around the station tonight”, Dr. Bashir promised. ”But first, please make yourself at home. As you know, the virus that the Cardassians are reported to have released is spreading quicker than anticipated and across more species than we thought. The sooner you can begin to administer the vaccine, the better.”

”Yes. Um. Absolutely”, Nathan said, inwardly crossing his fingers that the vaccine he had carefully developed himself would prove as effective outside the lab environment.

”Why don’t you begin with the Vulcans who arrived the other day. They will only stay for a few more days, so let’s get that sorted as quickly as possible…”

 ”…in case there are any complications. Yes”, he filled in, and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. ”I will begin immediately.”

 

 

Not half an hour later he was done unpacking and had just finished adjusting the dosage of the vaccine for Vulcan physiology when the doors opened and shut with a synthetic hiss. He turned, and nearly dropped the loaded hypospray he was holding.

Cold grey eyes regarded him dispassionately. Had he imagined the initial chock in them?

He broke eye contact, quickly looking away as a heated blush traveled up his neck. Why _him_ , of all Vulcans?

”Well. This is a surprise.”

Solok’s voice had deepened, sharpened into an almost permanent sneer beneath the surface. He swallowed hard several times, trying to get himself under control.

”Y-yes. A surprise”, he managed. Licked his lips and took a deep breath. ”I have – um – I have a vaccine…” He held up the hypospray and Solok raised an eyebrow, eyeing it skeptically.

”Indeed. You created it, yes?”

The judgement was unspoken but crystal clear and his hand sank to his side, defeated by the silent scorn. Without warning Solok stalked closer and instinctively he backed away, turned and walked briskly to the other side of the table. Trying not to make it seem like he was fleeing.

The decade-old incident was still as fresh in his memory as if it had happened yesterday, and suddenly just as raw and painful. The initial fear, the blooming desire, the odd rush as if he was falling inside his own head, the sense of _belonging_ despite the terror… followed by the cold light of reality as the Vulcan left him on the floor, never to return. 

Solok didn’t follow him around the table, but his subtle smirk was not lost on Nathan, who rebelled internally. _You’re not a student anymore! There’s nothing to be afraid of! He’s a Vulcan, he wouldn’t hurt anyone,_ he told himself.

”You have no mate”, Solok stated, a dry purr that somehow seemed suggestive.

Nathan tensed, pressing his lips together. After the incident with Solok he had… _needed_ , for a lack of a better word. It was as if he had been ignited but had nobody to put out or fan the flames. He needed firm hands back on him, guiding him. Ruling him. _But not his. Not again._ He needed warmth to go with it, especially after the botched experiences during the years that followed. Two times he had thought himself infatuated, and both times he had been disastrously wrong, to the point of fleeing once and taking a beating the other. After that he had resigned himself to being alone.

”What of it?”

”I was merely making an observation”, Solok replied while regarding him thoughtfully. Abruptly, he began to remove the upper part of his uniform.

”What are you doing?” he couldn’t help a bit of panic to creep into his voice.

”The vaccine, Doctor”, Solok said slowly with an eyebrow raised high. Nathan felt like an idiot.

”Yes, of course”, he mumbled and approach the half-naked Vulcan with the hypospray. The muscular chest was slightly hairy and Nathan found that his mouth was suddenly dry. He willed his hand to stop trembling while he administered the vaccine. Solok watched him in silence.

”I am not convinced that this is a necessary precaution”, he informed the Doctor, who instantly rushed to the vaccine’s defense. 

”I assure you it is. I have read extensive reports on it and taking all variables into account it shows every sign of becoming quite, ah, hazardous if we do nothing”, he said hotly.

”Tsk-tsk… so _emotional_.” Solok’s voice lowered until it was barely audible, meant only for him. Horrifyingly intimate. ”Care to make another wager?”

This time when he tried to retreat, face burning at the reminder, Solok grabbed his wrist and walked him backwards until his lower back hit the counter. Nathan stared up at him, feeling like a rabbit caught in a snare with a wolf looming above him. He shook his head, a mute plea for mercy. Up close he noticed every harsh line added to the familiar face, those pale eyes and thin lips with the cruel arch. Strong fingers let go of his wrist and maneuvered his own fingers, tracing them, spreading them to slide between. Closing in a crushing grip that forced a whimper out of him. To his shame he felt himself growing hard and needy.

”Tell me, Doctor… why do you not have a mate, when you evidently need one so badly?” Solok asked him softly, ignoring his small, jerky movements that failed to get him away; but his eyes fled, gaze darting everywhere but Solok.

A series of bleeping sounds followed by a electronic crackle saved him.

”Doctor, the next patient is here. Can I send him in?” came the slightly distorted voice from the communicator on the wall.

”Yes!” Nathan said loudly. ”Yes, please send him in!”

Solok let go of him immediately and turned back to his discarded shirt, getting dressed as if nothing had happened. By the time the next patient entered the room, Solok had already left.

 

* * *

  
 

His suspicions were confirmed. It _had_ been tentative beginnings of a telepathic mating bond he had formed all those years ago. There was the source of the failed bonding during his pon farr, of the mounting frustration and aggression, single-mindedly channeled into war and strategy. 

_Should have claimed him ten years ago…_

But no. He had concluded years ago that his mind and soul would never have reached out to bond with a _human,_ of all things. Wrong, as it turned out. With his next ponn farr less than a year away, he should stake his claim now. Give his mate time to adjust.

Ever the strategist, Solok settled down in his quarters and made plans…

 


	2. Old friends and new plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan is talking to an old friend. Solok is researching and putting his plans in action.

_Oh god, I need to talk to someone._

Nathan paced in his quarters, exhausted from a busy afternoon and evening of administering vaccines to a seemingly endless stream of Vulcans from the T’Kumbra. Exhausted, but too riled up from the unexpected meeting with Solok to actually sleep. And he had to get up in less than six hours to continue working.

He sprawled on the bed, then blinked. Of course. And where she was, it should be early evening by now. Perfect.

”Computer, please call Lulea Elizabeth, USS Orion.”

”Calling”, the electronic voice confirmed. Seconds ticked by, then:

”This is Elizabeth.” Hearing her voice was the anchor he needed, and he blurted out the confession that had been eating at him for the past hours.

”I did it. I sucked his dick.” He sighed, staring up at the ceiling. _Finally told her._

”I think what you meant to say was: ’am I on speaker?’”, Ellie said at last and he bolted upright, eyes wide.

”Am I on speaker?!”

”No. But it would be hilarious if you were.” Her high-pitched cackle echoed through his rooms and he slumped down on the bed again, hands covering his face. ”Nah, I’m having a quiet night. Hang on… ok, I’m back. Just thought I needed a glass for this. Now, whose dick did you suck?”

”Years ago, at the Academy. You made that joke, remember?”

”Not really… I mean, if you’re talking dick-jokes at the Academy you have to narrow it down a bit.”

He grinned in the darkness of the room.

”To the Vulcan? Um, we were discussing my latest paper, and you came and dragged me off.”

”The asshole who kept harassing you? Yeah, I remember. Wait, did you...”

”Yup.”

”You know I was joking, right?”

He rubbed his eyelids with his fingers, hard. Of course he had known, and he couldn’t for the life of him justify what he did.

”Yeah… I don’t know, it was a spur of the moment thing, it kind of just happened…”

”You never told me.” There was no judgement or hurt in her voice, just simple curiosity.

”No, I… I guess I was ashamed. It was a one-time thing. And I’m telling you now because, well, because I met him again today.”

”Ooooh awkward.”

”Tell me about it.” He covered his face with his arm. ”Didn’t say much. Pointed out a couple of times that I didn’t have a mate.”

”Ookay. Sounds like Vulcan for ’hey since you’re single, wanna go down on me again?’”

He flushed red in the dark. That hadn’t even occurred to him.

”Wha-no! That can’t be what he meant. No. No, I don’t think so. Surely not, no”, he said quickly, resisting the idea with every part of him.

”If you say so. Either way, sounds pretty simple to me. If you want to hook up with him, go ahead and indulge, and if you don’t, don’t. You’ll not be in the same place too long anyway, presumably?”

”No, they’re leaving soon, I think. You’re right, I’m over-thinking it, aren’t I?”

”Maybe a tiny bit… are you attracted to him?”

He didn’t answer at first, simply because he tried to figure it out. The truth unnerved him.

”… yes. But I don’t want to be. Last time I felt awful afterwards. He just left. Like, two seconds after he was done he was out of there. I was on the floor, pretty out of it still.” Just talking about it created a cold lump of despair in his chest.

”What. A. Dick.” She punctuated every word like hammering in a nail. ”You know what? He does _not_ deserve a second helping, Nate. If you as much as open your mouth while he’s in the room, I’m gonna do an intervention. Clear?”

”Crystal”, he said, a grin tugging at his lips. Ellie’s protective streak was pretty fierce once she got riled up.

”Alright. Keep me posted, yeah? And be careful.”

He promised, and they ended the conversation. As always, Ellie managed to turn his world right side up. It went both ways. When he stumbled, it was often due to insecurities and fear, and when she came to him for advice, it was generally a pit she had dug herself into by her aggressive and impulsive nature. The standing joke was that between them, they managed to make one almost balanced person.

Of course, it had lessened somewhat as the years went by. Both of them was holding down high-pressure jobs at Starfleet, so they could no longer afford their weaknesses to slow them down. Still, they supported each other when needed. Ellie still had the mouth of a sailor and tended to attract some shock-induced, horrified respect wherever she went.

With their friendship as a safety net, he finally drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Solok had spent the morning poring over Nathan’s medical articles from the past few years, and had to grudgingly admit that most of the flaws he had disliked so much was no longer evident. On the contrary, he was beginning to see why the professors at the Academy had favored him so. Speculative or not, some were quite ground-breaking. He came to the conclusion that Nathan was a dreamer with a focus – a visionary.

To continue researching his prospective mate, he downloaded the few interviews available and watched them while eating his lunch. There he discovered his first weakness; Nathan seemed to be prone to avoiding confrontations. In interviews he did quite well even if he tended to lapse into disjointed monologues from time to time. But he could only find one debate available, and he watched critically as Nathan stuttered and folded, quieting down in every instance.

He narrowed his eyes as the younger version of his intended leaned back on the screen once more, as if retreating physically from the debate.

_I shall assist him in correcting this flawed behavior._

He considered the logical alternatives in securing him as a mate. Since it was a human he was pursuing, he had to take it into account that Nathan might be unpredictable due to his illogical and emotional nature. Perhaps more troublesome than most. The usual logical proposal was unlikely to get a positive response. He believed the physical route would be most effective at the moment. Nathan had a weakness for his touch, a submissive nature that bowed easily to Solok, fitted his dominant streak perfectly.

Yet he had seemed almost afraid when they met, Solok mused. _I have to tread carefully._ Their bond, albeit weak and unfinished, should work to his advantage.

 

* * *

  
 

_Finally._ The last Vulcan had been checked off the list, and so far not a single one had shown any symptoms of complications. He replicated a bowl of soup that stood cold and forgotten on his desk twenty minutes later while he was writing up a report. 

The comms speaker crackled.

”You have a visitor.”

”Sure”, Nathan said, absentmindedly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose for the twentieth time in the past hour, tidying up the text on the screen. So engrossed in the text was he that he did not notice Solok entering the room until he sat down opposite him, and Nathan finally looked up. Eyes widening when his focused scattered at the sight of the Vulcan.

”You have finished administering the vaccine to my crew. Efficient”, Solok remarked in his detached, clipped tone.

”I… yes. I found it best to allow a bit of margin in case of complications, seeing as you won’t stay long”, Nathan replied carefully.

”A logical conclusion”, Solok acknowledged and Nathan wondered if he was being paid a compliment. ”But we may stay longer that originally planned.” He didn’t elaborate and Nathan didn’t ask, but privately wondered why.

”Have you not eaten anything?” Solok asked suddenly, and Nathan followed his gaze to the forgotten bowl of soup.

”Oh.” He cleared his throat. ”Not since this morning, I suppose.”

”It is now 1600 hours”, Solok said with cutting disapproval. Nathan looked away, not certain why the reprimand stung so much.

”I lost track of time. It happens.” He glanced up before quickly looking away again. ”I’ll eat something”, he added.

”You will do so now.”

Solok got up and calmly went to the replicator.

”Uh… I have soup”, Nathan said, even if the thought of the cold soup was frankly unsavory at this point.

”The soup is insufficient. You need more energy.” Solok ordered a proper dinner plate, then put it down in front of him before sitting down again. Nathan stared at the food; the smell was mouth-watering. Still, he disliked being told what to do.

”I’ll… I’ll just eat later. It’s fine, I-”

”Eat.” The Vulcan’s voice left no room for argument, and he found that he had no will to argue. Not when he was actually hungry. So he took a tentative bite, chewing and swallowing. One more, then another, and he had quickly lost himself in the meal. It took a minute before he noticed that Solok was silently watching him with something close to hunger brewing in his half-lidded eyes. He blinked and felt his neck flush red in embarrassment, dropping his eyes to the food to avoid the steady gaze. The last time Solok had looked at him with hunger was back at the Academy, in that tiny room with medical equipment… he tried to banish the inappropriate thoughts and focus on eating but failed and put down the fork.

”I’m all done. Thank you”, he managed, still not looking up.

”If you don’t mind me asking, why have you not taken a mate after all this time?” Solok asked and he hesitated, nervously pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose again.

”No particular reason, I suppose”, he said carefully. He neglected to mention that he after the latest try, which had landed him in the hospital, he had avoided it altogether.

”Hm.” A short grunt that could mean anything. ”Perhaps you would accompany me to the holosuite tonight? There is a certain program that I should like to try, and I suspect that you would enjoy it also.”

He could find no reason to say no, so he just nodded.

”Good.” Solok stood and after a moment he did as well. ”I shall see you in three point five hours outside of the holosuites.” On the way to the door he paused and turned to Nathan. ”May I?” he asked and held his hands up, reaching for Nathan’s face. Nathan barely kept himself from cringing away, but stood absolutely still when the long-fingered hands delicately removed his glasses.

He blinked, seeing little without them but not protesting. He could make out the tall form of the Vulcan, turning the glasses over in his hands.

”Why are you wearing these?”

”I like them. I would rather have them than corrective laser surgery. Surgery on my eyes… if something goes wrong, I may lose my eye sight forever. Glasses are better”, he confessed.

”Your fear is illogical”, Solok said. ”Be still.”

Nathan stood absolutely still as Solok put his glasses back on, only now they rested firmly where they should and did not feel like they would slide down anytime soon.

”Thank you”, he said simply, and the Vulcan merely nodded and left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Building up to the smut, here! Please let me know what you think. There will be unforeseen obstacles that Solok will have to deal with. Well, unforeseen for him - you may have figured it out already. ;)


	3. The courtship begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan meets Solok by the holosuites, and the courtship begins.

Not knowing what to expect, Nathan nonetheless made a point of being perfectly on time, even with a couple of minutes to spare. Solok was already there waiting for him, of course; he expected nothing less. He had kept his uniform, and was relieved to see that Solok had done the same.

 

When they stepped into the holosuite, he stopped and stared.

”Earth”, he whispered. Somehow he had forced himself not to think about it, but the sky stretched so far above him, the ocean so vast, that it was difficult to remember that it was all an illusion. Below them, houses dotted the steep hills, and the path they were standing on led up the mountain through the forest.

”It was recommended as one of the more pleasant views”, Solok said.

”I have been here”, Nathan whispered as if talking too loud would break the illusion. He walked right up to the edge, leaning forward slightly to get a good look of the houses below. ”There”, he added, pointing to a empty grass-covered elevation. ”There should have been a wooden house there. Light blue, with climbing roses.”

He fell silent, and for a few moments the only sounds were those of seagulls and breaking waves. Then he became aware that Solok was watching him, and he shifted and stepped back from the edge.

”Good choice”, he said, walking towards the forest. Solok nodded in acknowledgement and followed. Nathan couldn’t help but glancing at Solok every now and then. His presence in this place felt surreal, and yet the Vulcan moved with the same natural grace as ever, as if the concept of ”out of place” was something that happened to other people. Fallen pines crunched beneath their booths as they walked.

 

Three things happened in rapid succession: the sandy ground began to crumble under Nathan’s feet so that he slipped and nearly lost his balance – Solok reached out and steadied him with a hand on the small of his back – and Nathan jumped from the contact in a sudden sideways jolt of movement that did not go unnoticed by either of them.

The awkward silence lasted for only a few seconds.

”What is the origin of your fear?” Solok asked calmly and Nathan feigned ignorance.

”Not sure what you mean. I’m not afraid.”

”Is that so?”

They continued to walk in silence. Nathan wondered about his own reaction, and if he may have underestimated the psychological effects of what had happened to him. _But it was so long ago…_ as a doctor he knew that it was not uncommon for victims of physical assaults to suffer long-term consequences as a result, but he had not considered something as simple as Solok’s touch to invoke such a strong response. His heart was still beating a frantic staccato in his chest.

”Would you mind if I conducted a small experiment?”

”Sure…” he replied absentmindedly, then hiccuped in fright as he found himself backed into a tree. He could feel the rough surface of the bark scraping his back through the uniform. Solok was standing so close, much too close… strong hands had a firm grip of his upper arms, holding him in place.

”What are you doing?” He tried to sound forceful, he really did, but two hard facts was wearing down his self-control: Vulcans were three times stronger than the average human, and him and Solok were, for all intents and purposes, alone in the forest.

”Experimenting”, Solok replied, studying him intently. ”Fascinating. Your pupils are dilated, and you are short of breath.” He paused, then added: ”Your heart beats faster.”

”Well, I… I…” He had no idea what to say.

”Your symptoms could be attributed to either fear or arousal.”

He wanted to deny both, but found that he could not lie convincingly enough to give voice to either.

”Determining which would require more extensive… experimenting.”

For a brief moment he wondered if Solok would kiss him, but Vulcans did not kiss, did they? He lifted his hand, intending to put it on Solok’s chest to, if not push him away, then indicate the need for space. Before he could, however, Solok met it and the skin to skin contact made him shiver. Solok’s fingers traced his gently and suddenly he felt open, vulnerable, like all his reactions and emotions had been put on display. Startled, he pulled his hand away, leaving Solok’s to linger in the air.

”It is both. Curious”, Solok murmured, looking intently at him. He looked away, unable to meet the steady gaze while feeling the flush of embarrassment stampeding up his neck. _He can read that just from touching my hand?_ ”Why are you afraid?”

Afraid? Had the skittish nervousness that he always felt around Solok had actually morphed into outright fear? Couldn’t he tell the difference anymore? The thought was unsettling. How could he explain something that he didn’t quite understand himself? He shook his head, searching for words.

”I-I don’t… I’m not sure…” he said, feeling cornered and frightfully confused, unable to grasp the _why_ of it. Solok’s hand came to rest on his shoulder, the heat of it evident even through the fabric of the uniform. It sparked a spiral of conflicting emotions, its presence driving him even further into a corner while simultaneously being a soothing anchor. The confusion was overwhelming.

”I could help you. A joining of our minds would give us answers.” Solok’s calm voice was soothing, but his words made something in him twist in fearful anticipation.

”Joining of..?”

”A mind meld. It would bring clarity.”

”NO..!” A flare of panic, and instinctively he flailed, twisting away from the warm hands and warm body and stumbled to the side.

Solok didn’t pursue, just watched him, the expression on his face unreadable.

He knew of mind melds. You can’t be a Starfleet doctor without knowing about this essential part of Vulcan culture and neurological physiology. The sheer intimacy of it was staggering. If the recipient was not Vulcan, the person would be even more vulnerable, unable to shield anything from the other. It would be an exercise of perfect trust, and quite frankly he was unsure that he would be able to extend that level of trust to anyone, even in the best of circumstances.

”No”, he repeated, more calmly now. His frantic heartbeat slowed somewhat. ”I could never… I appreciate the offer, though. Thank you”, he added.

 

* * *

 

Solok watched Nathan with clinical detachment, containing the heated protectiveness rising inside him with practiced ease. Concern for his prospective mate was useless unless tempered with a logical solution.

Nathan’s fear was an illogical, emotional reaction but it was nonetheless an obstacle, and his refusal to a mind meld severely limited his options to know the source of his fear.

The attraction was just as real, however. Used skillfully, it could be a tool to unearth the truth, and with that the key to a successful courtship. Securing Nathan as his mate would no doubt be a complicated task, but a worthy one.

In an attempt to set Nathan at ease, he gave him a wide berth as he walked passed him on the forest path. As he suspected, Nathan instantly followed and closed the space between them until they were walking comfortably side by side. It was evident that the doctor was still seeking his company physically, perhaps even unintentionally, despite his fear.

”You have been in this place before, then?” he prompted.

”Yes.” If he read his human’s body language correctly, he was relieved by the change of subject. ”I was here a couple of times as a kid. We used to go here for the summer.” Nathan took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before exhaling. ”It was very… pleasant.”

He smelled the air as well, an interesting mix of pine and salty freshness; a scent that you would never experience on Vulcan.

”I can see why you would find it agreeable.”

”We stopped coming after the second time. My parents divorced, but I have happy memories from here.”

He glanced at Nathan, but could not discern any negative emotions about the subject.

”I see. And how did you pass the time here?”

”Swimming in the ocean, I guess. I wasn’t always this pale”, Nathan said, grinning. ”Working on a starship didn’t do much for my complexion.”

Solok looked at him briefly, raising an eyebrow at the statement. He had not registered it before, but at the Academy Nathan’s skin had been slightly darker.

”Anyway, apart from that, there wasn’t much to do except taking walks and reading. I was never a big fan of fishing, to be honest. It makes no sense to me to torture animals for sport.”

He nodded at the statement; Vulcans had long since drawn that conclusion.

”There is a restaurant at the top of this mountain”, Nathan said. ”If I remember it correctly, the view is spectacular.”

He quelled the urge to disagree with him on the definition of ’mountain’; compared to the mountains of Vulcan, this was barely a hill. But he nodded, walking together with him to the restaurant.

 

The restaurant was simple, no more than a small wooden house with a very large veranda with tables and chairs. But he had to grudgingly admit that the view was impressive. Above the treetops the sea stretched all the way to the horizon, blue meeting blue with a radiant sun creating an ever glittering surface on the moving surface. The sight was not nearly as enjoyable as that of his prospective mate bathed in the sunlight with a content smile on his face, however. Nathan had closed his eyes briefly, but his whole being radiated peace and calm.

_Most satisfactory._

The level of satisfaction he experienced was in fact unexpected and he had to make an effort to contain it, in a way he had not had to in several years. That in itself was… disturbing. The logical solution was to complete the bond, which was likely to restore the balance.

But to that end they needed to join their minds. And for reasons unknown, that was something Nathan had forcefully refused.

Letting the subject rest for the time being, he leaned back and stared at the holographic horizon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo! Hope you like it. Solok is Vulcan arrogance personified, but he'll find that not all problems have logical solutions... ;) Please let me know what you think! :)


	4. In search of answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan gains a new colleague. Solok searches for answers.  
> (TRIGGER WARNING: mention of past physical abuse.)

Nathan was surprised to find that the evening had been pleasant. Actually, it had been equal parts nice and disturbing.

Alone in his quarters, he tried to focus on his medical notes. On the vaccine, and what he would start to administer in the morning. Again and again he found his thoughts returning to Solok. For the life of him, he could not understand him. A strange mixture of smugness and thoughtfulness.

His first instinct would be to avoid him, to not have to think about his one and only sexual experiment at the Academy, one that had ended so badly. Not that it had ended with heartbreak, but his self esteem and confidence had taken some serious damage. The best thing for him would no doubt be to avoid Solok while he was on the station. And yet Solok kept seeking him out.

He didn’t understand. _Why would he do that?_

Unless, of course, he really wanted them to take up where they left off.

He fidgeted in his chair, turning to watch the stars outside the window; did _he_ want to? If he had to be completely honest with himself he was still attracted to the arrogant Vulcan, to the point where it was humiliating. If he had any self respect he should tell him no, shouldn’t he? He should know better.

Although… if it was only sexual, just physical, mind you, nothing else… would it be so bad of him to indulge? It was virtually impossible for him to get his feelings hurt if he never expected them to be taken into consideration in the first place. Right? _Or am I just trying to justify to myself that I want him?_

He sighed and rubbed his eyes; his thoughts chased each other in circles, and there seemed to be no end to it, and no answers. Did he trust Solok? With his body? Maybe. With his heart, no. Certainly not with something as intimate as a mind meld. That Solok would be willing to do that was even more confusing. From what he knew of Vulcan culture, they didn’t just go about it with anyone. So why had Solok offered to do it for him?

Had he really seemed that pitiful? So desperate in need of help?

Silently recognizing that he would get no further on his notes, he got ready for bed.

Sleep didn’t come easily that night and when it did, he moved restlessly in his sleep, his mind squirming under the scrutiny of sharp, grey eyes.

 

* * *

 

In his quarters, Solok attempted to meditate. His thoughts lingered on Nathan, and their meeting in the holosuites. It was… distracting. Unfortunately, their meeting had raised more questions than it had answered. The brief skin to skin contact between their hands had reveled a chaos of contradicting emotions, and the more he examined them, the more difficult it became to quell the responding emotions rising within him. _Protect. Comfort._ And strongest of them all, that basic feeling, humming deep beneath the surface in all Vulcans… _Rage._

On the small altar before him, the candle flame danced as if agitated by his thoughts. He stared into it, feeling the roar in his head dull to a hiss as he extinguished the fire inside him once more.

The other feelings were quickly suppressed in the same fashion, after he decided that he would act upon them. Protecting and comforting ones mate was only logical. What he was lacking was information.

Tempted by the prospect of finding out more about his human and the secrets he protected so vehemently, he abandoned the meditation – an unusually inefficient one, he was loathe to admit – and sat down in front of his desk to compose a message to an old acquaintance of his at Starfleet Medical. If Nathan was not willing to share his past, there were others who might be more accommodating.

 

* * *

 

The next morning seemed to fly past at light speed. Nathan administered the vaccine to one person after another on his list. Even with Bashir helping out it took a lot of time, and everyone had questions about the virus. How was it spreading? What were the symptoms? He had given them as accurate information as he could, without divulging that they were still gathering intelligence and confirming facts. That this vaccine was the best they could come up with under the circumstances. If they were lucky, the vaccine would prove successful.

_If not…_ he rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, then hastily righted his glasses before they fell off. _If not I’ll have my work cut out for me._

He made his way to the Promenade to get some lunch, intending to sample something from the Bajoran cuisine. Bashir had given him a quick run through – literally – and he thought he knew where to find some. The _Celestial Café_ seemed to be a good choice. Crossing the Promenade he caught the eyes of a man with a strangely angular face, and offered a smile. In return he received a brusque nod; he made a mental note of approaching him later and ask him about his species. _Actually, Bashir can probably get me a full list of the people on ds9…_ So far he had only gotten a list of the Vulcan crew of the T’Kumbra, and one of Starfleet personnel, which included non-humans, some of whom where the only ones of their kind at the station, and so would be at the bottom of the list of recipients for the vaccine, since he would have to tailor-make it for them… not to mention all the Bajorans…

Mentally tallying up the staggering amount of things to do, he ordered a random dish and sat down with a plate of veklava and a complimentary jumja stick. It was good, or he would later assume so because he hadn’t even noticed eating it while he examined the test results on his PADD.

”Dr. Andersen”, a female voice prompted and he looked up, jumja stick in the corner of his mouth. It was a female Vulcan in Starfleet uniform with a blue upper part. Sharp features, thin lips and narrow eyes beneath a neatly cut fringe. Her posture was stiff and professional but he knew Vulcans better than to be put off.

”Yes?” he confirmed and she nodded curtly.

”I am T’Me, Chief Medical Officer at the T’Kumbra.”

”Yes, I remember you from the vaccination”, he said and gestured to the empty chair across the table. ”Please, have a seat.”

She sat down and gave him a measured look.

”I noticed that you are working on this alone. That is inefficient”, she told him. ”I offer my assistance with the vaccinations.”

He blinked, stunned by the generous offer. Commander Sisko had not found the reports of the virus alarming enough to put in more resources, but had accepted his proposed solution to see to the vaccinations himself. He had assumed that the Commander had more pressing concerns and that there was a reason the virus, which still seemed to be no more than a potential, and distant, threat was so low on the priority list.

”That would be very helpful. Thank you”, he said hastily when she raised a pointed eyebrow at his hesitation. ”Dr. Bashir is also assisting, when possible.”

When possible had not turned out to be as much as he had hoped for; Bashir was called away so often that he had barely administered more than a couple of shots.

”I would like to read all available reports on the virus, if I may.”

”Yes, of course. I’ll send all of it over as soon as I am back in the office”, he replied, finding it difficult to keep the excitement out of his voice. Nobody else had been concerned enough about the outbreaks at a few distant colonies to share his interest and he looked forward to discussing it more thoroughly with somebody who had read the same reports.

”I will accompany you.”

He quickly swallowed the rest of his jumja stick and gathered his things. No need to delay when he was essentially done with his lunch.

Side by side they walked back to the medical office and the schedule on his PADD revealed that it was fifteen minutes to the next appointment. When they entered the office again he immediately sat down at the desk and transferred the files that T’Me had asked for.

T’Me tapped her own PADD a few times, nodded and sat down in one of the extra chairs.

Delighted with having a colleague again, even for a limited amount of time, he settled down with his notes and began logging them into the system.

 

* * *

 

Solok stared into the flame of the candle, meditating on the information V’Las had presented to him. The other Vulcan had been quite thorough, no doubt seeing it as a professional opportunity, perhaps even to be considered to serve on the T’Kumbra one day.

Age 24, on the fifth day of the earth month November, Nathan Anderson had been admitted to the emergency room at the Aceso Medical Facility in London with injuries including a sprained ankle, a concussion, three fractured ribs on his left side, ruptured eardrums, fractures around the left eye and extensive bruising around the eyes, throat, chest and abdomen.

Solok suspected that a medical professional would see a pattern there that he could not. All he could perceive from the description of the injuries was that Nathan had been the victim of a physical assault. An assault, not a fight between equals. The sprained ankle indicated that he had tried to get away.

He rose quickly, fists clenched. _This meditation is not helping._

Instead he turned to a physical exercise, a meditation with combat movements that enabled him to release the violent energy in him in slowly and deliberately.

He was in perfect control of the anger.

In some cultures there were still minorities that were against various sexual orientations that did not suit them. Had Nathan once been targeted by such a group?

The medical report was not the only thing V’Las had sent. For reasons that escaped Solok, V’Las had done a search for Nathan’s full name in the daily medical logs from all attending medical personnel at the hospital for six weeks prior to the incident. The search had revealed one mention of a time three and a half weeks prior when he had apparently approached an old colleague to borrow a ”knitter”, which apparently was a bone-knitting laser. For his broken nose.

_Perfect. Control._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh, I just realized that this may turn out to be a slow burn fic. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know what you think. :)


	5. Confrontations and consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solok confronts Nathan about his discoveries in his usual arrogant way. The reaction is not really as expected...

Nathan kneaded the back of his neck, longing to settle down for a massage in the holosuites later. T’Me had retreated to the next room without a word after working side by side with him during vaccinations. Between them they had administered twenty-four shots since morning and it was now lunch.

He replicated a simple sandwich and sat down, forgetting all about it after only a couple of bites. Instead he kept going over the latest test results sent from one of the colonies. A mutated strain of the virus seemed to exhibit delayed symptoms…

The door opened with a hiss and Solok stepped inside, nodding at him.

”Doctor”, Solok acknowledged in his clipped tone, and he wondered if they were not on first name basis now. But perhaps he preferred to keep a certain distance? The thought stung but he would respect that distance.

”Hello, Captain”, he said, and permitting himself a welcoming smile at least. ”Have a seat. Would you like something to drink?”

Solok sat down on the chair on the other side of the table, facing him.

”No, thank you”, he replied, then paused for a moment.

 

* * *

  

Solok chose his words carefully. Knowing humans to be emotional to an absurd degree, he expected tears. But the fact that these fears of his had been allowed to go unchecked was nothing short of self-destructive and if he needed to take action himself, he would.

”I believe it would be beneficial for you to see a counselor.”

Nathan’s face fell and he blinked rapidly, fidgeting with the writing tool in his hand.

”W-what? Why?” was the wary reply.

Instantly nervous, he noticed. _I shall not let him run away from this._

”No matter how badly injured you were, that was six years ago. Had you completed appropriate counseling it would not affect your actions still.”

Nathan’s face drained of colour, turning it ashen as he stared at him blankly.

”How do you know about that?” The voice was low and intense, trembling with something that was decidedly _not_ fear, indeed, something that Solok failed to identify.

”That is of no importa-” he began, only to be interrupted.

” _How?_ ” The word cut through Solok’s like a sharp blade, and he narrowed his eyes. He was not used to being interrupted, or spoken to like that. Especially not by his prospective mate, whom he had judged as timid to a point of self-deprecation. He raised an eyebrow, seeking eye contact to pin the other down, only to find a cold wall of anger building in the green eyes.

_Entirely unexpected._

”I inquired about your medical records” he replied calmly, studying the man’s reaction.

”Even if the files are available upon request from a Starfleet officer, you must have known where to look. Someone helped you.”

”Someone did.”

”You could have asked!”

_Ah. A raised voice._ He could feel his lips curling in distaste of the emotional outburst, and blinked slowly, his features once more smoothing to an expressionless mask.

”Indeed. As you recall, you were not forthcoming with information,” he said, every word uttered in the firm, clipped tones when he was utterly unimpressed.

”Because I wasn’t ready! That was for _me_ to tell _you_ , maybe one day, or maybe not at all, but that would have been _my_ choice, not yours!” Nathan stood up, nearly tipping his chair over, and paced. He ran his fingers through his hair, swallowing hard, and to Solok’s eyes he seemed to make an effort to control his breathing.

He stood slowly, never taking his eyes off Nathan.

”That is not logical. How I came by the information makes no diffe-”

”It makes _all_ the difference! You invaded my privacy!”

The accusation put him on edge, even as he recognized the action must seem that way.

”I acknowledge your conclusion, however erroneous-”

” _Erroneous?_ You had no right!”

_I had every right!_ He suppressed the irritation, reminding himself that Nathan did not know his intention for them to become bondmates, and that it was perfectly justified for a concerned mate to take action under these circumstances.

”You are attempting to divert the attention from the issue-”

”Oh, I know what the issue is here. I can’t trust you.”

That stopped him short, reprimanding words dying in his mouth unspoken. If Nathan truly believed that, then it was an issue that needed to be addressed. But how to convince the irrational human that he could, indeed should, trust Solok? Before he could formulate a reply, Nathan turned on his heel and left the room.

Solok stood absolutely still for almost a full minute before he started to wander around the room, silently processing the unexpected turn of events. His eyes rested on the different screens on the walls, PADDs stacked on shelves. He wandered into the next room and his gaze immediately fell on a familiar figure currently examining what looked like some kind of test result. T’Me, his CMO, punched a few buttons on the screen, then looked up at him.

”Captain”, she acknowledged with a small bow of her head before turning her attention back on the machine and the PADD in her hands.

”T’Me. I was not aware of your presence.”

”Clearly. Dr. Andersen seemed equally unaware”, she replied. Usually her manner, that was just short of impudent, did not bother him. Right now he found it slightly aggravating. However, he did trust her discretion. Whatever she might have overheard, if at all through the door, she would not pass it on. Besides, he had yet to understand Nathan’s reaction; there was something there, a hidden layer of context that he was unaware of.

”I need your opinion”, he stated and she turned her attention to him immediately. He listed off the injuries that Nathan had sustained, neglecting to mention the name of the hypothetical patient, then hesitated before adding: ”Based on that information, what would be your deduction?”

T’Me was silent for a few moments, her eyes narrowing.

”I can not say with absolute certainty”, she said, and he nodded. Of course. ”But I would closely monitor any spousal visit.”

”Why is that?” He would imagine that with inferior species driven by emotions, a spouse would wish to extract some form of retaliation, perhaps, and it would be a wise decision to monitor the room in case any serious threats were verbalized…

”Because the injuries are consistent with spousal abuse. Particularly if there are old injuries.”

There it was. The thing that has eluded him. He turned away, in case some of the shock might have been visible on his features.

 

He excused himself and returned to his quarters. Nathan would have to be back for his afternoon appointments, and until they were both more… collected… another confrontation would be counter-productive.

Spousal abuse was extremely uncommon among Vulcans, rare enough that it had not even occurred to Solok that Nathan might have been a victim of it. Now he had to wonder… had it happened once or was those injuries only one incident of many? The breach of trust was enormous, the damage on a different level than that of an ordinary assault. It injury was more insidious, the betrayal soul-deep.

He sighed, sitting down in a chair, his posture only slightly more hunched over than his usual rigid form. This put the information in an entirely new light. It would be a challenge to get Nathan to trust him, and even more so after invading his privacy.

 

* * *

 

_How much does he know?_

Nathan marched through the Promenade, seeking a quiet corner to have a moment to himself. Finding it behind a pillar, he leaned against the wall and tried to calm down.

He had never expected Solok to do anything like this. Maybe that made him a naive person, but he had trusted the Vulcan at least that much. Not to the extent of telling him anything about _that_ part of his life, of course; the T’Kumbra would leave the space station soon enough, and Solok with it. There was no point opening up old wounds. He didn’t understand why Solok had gone to such lengths to investigate his past.

In hindsight he regretted his reaction. Instead of storming out he could have lied about it. By reacting so strongly he might have given Solok incentive to further his investigation.

_It’s just..._

It had been a shock. Solok suggesting counseling out of the blue. He had been fine without counseling.

He rubbed his eyes, wishing that the day was at an end so that he could have a drink. Sighing, he returned to his job, and the vaccines.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to unravel... and might soon heat up. Well, eventually. Solok just has to adjust his strategy. ;)

**Author's Note:**

> So. Yeah. That was fun to write! If you enjoyed reading it, please let me know what you think and if you would like to see chapter two. Wishes and speculations are gratefully accepted - my muse devours all. :)


End file.
